Category: Humour/Humor

Posted on

I Am Loose With Dr Seuss

Alas they’ve come for Dr. SEUSS,
they wish to hang him with a noose.
They claim his tales were racist bent,
they judged him fast, missed what he meant.
But if we look inside his tales,
you’ll find the balance of the scales.
Remember when Horton heard a Who,
and we heard the wisdom of the Lorax too.
The lesson behind Green Eggs and Ham,
that changed the mind of Sam I am.
Remember too the rotten Grinch,
who once would never give an inch.
He taught us lessons, one and all,
boys and girls, big and small.
So if you’ve judged his works as poor,
you should re- read them, I implore.
The man we know as Dr. SEUSS,
turned our imaginations loose.
His impact was beyond compare,
he taught us it was good to care.
To accept the red, the blue, the green,
and on each other we can lean.
So if you still won’t give an inch,
your heart has hardened like the Grinch.
Release the grudge, the hate, the rue,
and embrace the hope of Cindy Lou.

We support the Seuss!!!

Posted on

Newlyweds

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people’s love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Atention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating
System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad progrm that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck
Tech Support