Nike’s “Just do it” works until it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, hopefully this will help you.
This article is built on the assumption that you know your Basic Purpose or at least have a goal in life that is one you consider worthwhile.
If neither of those is true then it may not seem to matter what you waste your time doing as not much else is more important.
In that case, before addressing self-discipline – the how – let’s establish your best why. Head over to my article on ‘How To Work Out Your Basic Purpose In Life’: https://www.tomgrimshaw.com/tomsblog/?p=37862
Anything you do in life has various actions working on it:
– your Purpose that initiates it
– your personal Drive level that carries it forward
– Friction that slows progress
– Resistance that opposes progress
– Distractions that take your time and attention away from higher priority activities on your Purpose
For progress to occur, the sum of Purpose and Drive need to be greater than the sum of the effects of Friction, Resistance and Distractions.
Organisation and systems reduce Friction, Resistance and Distractions.
Why This Article?
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I have a friend who runs a Life Improvement Centre. I told her I would do some surveys for her to find out what people are interested in improving. So I’ve been out and about asking people what they would most like to change or improve about themself.
A common answer is self-discipline. So I created this article to share what I have learned on the subject.
So let’s start by defining the ability we are improving.
Definition: “Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.” – Elbert Hubbard
The two principle failures in self-discipline are:
1. doing what you know should not be done and
2. failing to do what you know should be done.
Carrying on doing something past when you should you no longer be doing it (doom scrolling past bed time) falls under 1.
Not starting to do something when it should be started (homework, work project) falls under 2.
Doing something with or to someone for whom it is inappropriate (being romantic with someone not your partner) falls under category 1.
So, now we have defined self-discipline, let’s look at what disciplined action is and what can derail it.
Making it Personal
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One person flipped the table on me after giving their answer and asked me what I would most like to change or improve about me.
I thought about it for a second. Even though two people have called me the most disciplined person they have ever met, I said I wouldn’t mind improving my self-discipline further.
After all, I was getting to bed mostly between 10:30 and 11 pm rather than the 9 pm that would better align with circadian rhythms.
And I have a vibrating plate and mini-trampoline I bought for my late wife and never got into the habit of using after she passed 9 months earlier.
Systems and Routines
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I looked at the B category priority actions I recognised should be in my daily routine but were not yet and realised I needed to get organised and provide an increased level of importance to them.
I recalled a point system on a course I did that measured student production. 10 points per page read, 5 points per minute of tape listened to, 5 points per demo etc.
I wondered, “Why don’t I apply this to the different things that I want to incorporate into my routine?”
So I created a spreadsheet and listed 38 tasks with the objective of increasing the number of them I completed each day. I assigned a point value to each to place more emphasis on the high value or time intensive tasks.
For instance:
Pts Task
100 Resistance workout
80 Endurance workout
10 10 minutes on vibrating plate
5 50 bounces on rebounder
3 10 Zottman curls w/8 kg load
10 20 minutes red light therapy
Previously I did not have a list so was relying on randomly remembering to do each item as I went through the day. Bad strategy. No organisation. No system. Low task completion rate.
I remember a saying I heard many years ago, “The bluntest pencil is better than the sharpest memory.” The older I get, the more truth I find in that saying. A written system for tracking things hands down beats randomly remembering tasks!
Having a list I look at regularly through the day to check things off, it reminds me of the things yet to do.
Since creating this list I have been completing far more of those things I had previously let slip day after day.
The key point here is that what good intentions on their own struggle with, a system makes it far easier to accomplish. In fact there is probably a natural law something like, “The worst system, applied, is more certain of success than most people’s willpower.”
So a workable change in your operating basis is whenever you think the thought, “I need more self-disciple to do ___.” immediately then ask, “What system could I devise that would make it easier to do ___?”
Rewards and Penalties
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To follow on from the point system I used to incorporate the B category items in my daily routine, one thing you might find useful is to set up a Rewards and Penalties structure. If you do X by Y date or a certain number of times reward yourself with Z.
And, if you fail to do X in Y days, put Z amount in a donation box.
Habit-Stacking
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One very successful action is to take a new activity you want to incorporate into your routine and schedule to do it immediately after an activity already cemented into your routine. This is called Habit-Stacking.
My most successful long-term application of this is my stretching routine. Because most of the stretches are horizontal I do those in bed as soon as I decide resting is over and am ready to get up.
I recently added three more activities to this stack. One is deep breathing exercises. I started doing them as I do my stretches. Zero resistance as I am already in exercise mode and zero reluctance as it costs me no extra time. Dead easy to add to my routine.
The other is the Zottman curls. As soon as my feet hit the floor I bend over and pick up the dumbbells. Again, no friction as the dumbbells are within reach.
The third is the 50 bounces on the rebounder. I aim to make them after the dumbbells on the way to the bathroom.
Friction
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Friction is generated by things that do not permit as fast a rate of progress as would be possible without it. The form of friction that comes most readily to mind is that caused when you push a box or other heavy object along the floor.
There are various ways to address this form of friction, such as putting the object on a cart or trolly, putting plastic slider underneath it and dragging the plastic, putting rollers under the object etc.
There are other types of friction that slow your progress.
Foundational Friction items are Sleep, Food, Stress, Loneliness and Loss.
Staying up late or otherwise not being fully rested generates the friction of being tired and not being as productive the next day.
Lack of adequate nutriton and hydration has a counterproductive effect on thinking, energy and discipline levels. Ever notice how the hungrier you feel when you go shopping, the more junk goes in the trolley?
Stress leads to illness and accidents. Look at the source of stress and decide what you can do to be more at cause in the situation. If you cannot resolve it, drop me a line and I will direct you to a course I did that helped me.
Loneliness and Loss are demotivating. If you are lonely, look for someone to help.
If you have had a loss, go for a walk and look at things until you feel better. Do this daily,
Friction can also be time-consuming preparation activities or inconvenience in getting things together, not having the objects you need to do a job to hand when you need to start the task.
Like having to make your pre-exercise shake and gather your exercise gear and runners and water bottle etc. from multiple place prior to heading out the door.
Or having to make your pre-exercise shake then make your post-exercise drink when you return then your pre-bed drink later with the same ingredients. Easier to make them all at once so the two later drinks are ready when needed. Far less chance of forgetting them when they are sitting there looking at you!
Getting things prepared and ready and streamlining what needs to be done to get a product reduces friction.
It pays to identify where friction occurs in your life and organise to eliminate it.
As you go about your routine for the next week, be conscious of friction where it occurs and redesign your environment and routine to minimise friction.
Resistance
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You may encounter resistance, internal or external. It pays to take a moment to try and predict what resistance will occur and what actions you can take to bypass, reduce or eliminate that resistance.
External resistance can be an objection to the action, invalidation of your ability to do it, criticism of the timing of doing it etc.
Asking the person to not put up resistance can be helpful. If not, removing yourself from their resistance can be workable.
Internal resistance is considerably more complex and insidious. I will cover that in more detail later in Intention and Counter-Intention.
Destructive Distractions
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As well as Friction and Resistance, other activities, not core to your Basic Purpose, can serve as distractions, pulling you away from investing the time to achieve your goals.
Time-wasting habits like mindlessly watching TV, scrolling social media, TikTok or YouTube reels.
Spending a lot of time at the pub drinking, gossiping with friends etc.
Each of these pastimes takes up time that, if devoted elsewhere, would improve a skill or help you make faster progress towards your goal(s).
Distractions also include a mobile phone that pings every time you receive an SMS, a post to your social media account, an email etc.
You can minimise this type of distraction by switching off notifications and setting a specific time in your schedule to read those notices.
So, here’s an exercise. Take five minutes and jot down the activities in your life that you would reduce or scratch completely if you were really dedicated towards achieving your goal.
Boosting Your Drive Level
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When the thought of heading off with 30 kilo of weights on my back on a blustering, cold morning or worse, after dark at 7:30 pm in winter, leaves me lacking enthusiasm, one thing I find useful is to stop thinking about the effort and focus on the product.
Why am I doing this?
For me it is to stay healthy and fit as I age so I can enjoy playing tennis and street cricket with my family on get togethers and not be suffering for three days afterwards.
I cannot maintain that level of activity being a couch potato, sitting in front of the TV/computer all day.
So putting my focus on the end result I am wanting to create boosts my drive to get out and put in the effort to get there.
A valuable exercise is to pay attention to what motivates you and enter it into a book I encourage people to keep called “My Successful Actions and Wins”.
Any time you have a good win, identify what you did that caused it and write it up in your book. That prevents it from fading into the dim mist of forgotten memories.
Then, each month, pull the book out and reread it. You might be surprised at what you had let fall out of your routine.
Another thing that boosts drive when you are starting something like an exercise regime is to start small and build gradually.
This starting small does several things. It all but eliminates resistance – the contemplation of one pushup does not generate anywhere near as much internal resistance as the thought of starting with ten or twenty! – and it builds a winning attitude – you set a target and attained it!
And if you started with one it is super easy to double it the next day!
Adding more on a gentle gradient helps the same way. I built up to doing 2,100 dips and pushups one night by starting small – 5 dips and 5 pushups on each of 21 park benches – and adding more in small increments till I built to 100 dips and 100 pushups on every bench.
Remember the old saying, “Rome wan’t built in a day.” Despite what we see presented on media, huge gains, massive improvements and remarkable results rarely, if ever, happen quickly. They are usually built on constant attention to doing the basic fundamentals consistently well over a period of time.
That ‘overnight success’ was often 20 years in the making.
Buddy Up
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In my personal development I have – perhaps overly so – relied on improving myself to be as competent and independent as possible. While this suits my personality it may or may not suit yours.
If you are a person who does this best with company, look in your circle – or further afield if necessary – for someone with similar aspirations.
Jogging is the activity that comes most readily to mind. I often see people jogging together. Now that I think about it, nowhere near as many as I see jogging solo. Interesting.
Accountability
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As well as providing guidance, a good mentor also introduces an element of external accountability to provide increased incentive to follow through and accomplish set targets.
Someone who has already accomplished what you strive to achieve knows the road you will travel and helps you plan for and counter the obstacles that resist forward progress.
I read that a high proportion of Olympic athletes have a close family relative who was also an Olympian.
Intention and Counter-Intention
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The following is from: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-many-thoughts-per-day
Thoughts weave their way across your mind constantly. From your first moment of consciousness after waking until you close your eyes to sleep (and sometimes, long after that), you’re generally thinking about something.
These thoughts might include garden-variety, everyday musings:
“What a gorgeous day. I should really get out and get some sun.”
“I need to clean out this car today.”
“Gotta add oatmeal to the grocery list.”
Or more complex, deeper cogitations:
“I wonder what dogs dream about.”
“Would trying to date again improve my life?”
“What are my long-term goals in this job?”
The results of a 2020 study (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-17255-9) suggested people typically have more than 6,000 thoughts per day.
~~~~~~~~~~ End of quote. ~~~~~~~~~~
To get the most out of your life you should understand yourself, what motivates or inspires you, what demotivates you, even understanding and learning how to manage your thoughts. Yes, you can manage them.
A way to understand something is to divide instances of it into classifications. And so it is with thought.
One way thoughts can be broadly divided is into two categories, constructive and destructive. Even constructively inclined people (the vast majority of us) can have destructive thoughts. The difference between constructive and destructive people is that the constructive people rarely act on their destructive thoughts.
In addition, because the stream of conscious thought that occupies our attention is rarely without debate, for most of us, whenever we think of doing something there will often be a reason come to mind why we should not do it, a counter thought in opposition to the first thought.
So another way to divide thoughts is into thoughts and counter-thoughts, thoughts opposing the prior thought.
For instance a constructive person has the thought to go do the weekly shopping. Next may come a reason to not do the shopping. This is a counter thought.
In this example we could simplistically class the counter-thought as not good as it provides resistance to the attainment of a valid objective.
However the truth is far more complex. You might have experienced an occasion when you had quite a solo contemplation about the different factors involved in such a course of action:
Should I do it alone or wait until my wife is available so we can do it together as she has different tastes?
Will she be too tired later and I will have to do it alone anyway?
It is close to 3:30 pm when the mums will pick their kids up and traffic past the school will delay me.
The fridge is still pretty full but we need more of xxxxx.
I have/have not made a shopping list.
The car needs fuel too but filling the car and the shopping time will mean I will not be back in time for xxxxx.
And that is for something as menial as going shopping let alone contemplating something significant like a career change!
Or a destructive person has the thought to go do someone some harm. Their counter thought might be to not do the harmful act because it would harm a person other than the intended victim. In this example we could class the counter-thought as good, it is a reservation about doing harm.
So not all counter-thoughts are counter-productive.
It is important to recognise which of the two classes of resistance that this intention counter to the first thought falls into.
If the first thought is non-survival, as an extreme instance, doing something criminal, then the counter-thought is probably your conscience objecting.
When you think of doing something constructive and a negative thought enters your head, one solution is to recognise the counter-intention that pushes back as resistance and just do.
I recall a couple of decades ago going through male menopause. Yes, it is a real thing, not as bad as the girls suffer but enough to disrupt my sleep down to four hours a night.
I’d get to the afternoon and be thinking dark thoughts. Realising no good could come from this calibre of thinking I’d pull myself up at this point and ask myself, “How much sleep did I get last night?”
When the answer, “Four hours.” or something similarly rediculous came back I would then think, “OK, don’t think, just do.” and go find some physical action that needed doing.
Worked a treat.
The Battle Between Our Ears
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When considering a task you may recall having some negative thoughts about it or you enter your head.
One of the barriers to starting and completing anything is thoughts that invalidate us or our efforts.
Most of us have made the mistake that thinking every thought that comes into our head is ours – we originated it.
That is false. Dangerously so.
What we are not taught in school is that there is a part of the mind that is responsible for the negative and counter-productive thoughts that enter your head.
Differentiating between your own thoughts and those not yours is one of the hardest things to do.
The part of the mind that generates these thoughts is not you. It is a collection of memories. Memories composed of everything bad that has ever happened to you. Every loss. Every failure.
This is where self-doubt, self-invalidation, fear, over-thinking, anger, hate, impatience, intolerance, destructive impulses and out-ethics impulses comes from.
Successful people recognise these thoughts as having zero merit and great destructive power and work out strategies to conquer them.
I have read that it is vital to do so in elite athletes as negative thought have a measurable counter-productive effect on athletic performance for several hours.
There are various distinct methods to address the negative thoughts coming from this collection of losses.
1. The permanent, long-term solution is direct address. To eradicate the source of these negative thoughts using techniques specifically engineered to completely erase that source.
2. Is indirect address. Using techniques designed to reduce the horsepower and effect of the negative thoughts without direct address. Remember this one for the next time you feel down or have a loss. Go for a walk and look at things, one after the other, until you feel better. A most effective indirect address. Certain tribes in Africa use walking to resolve post-partum depression. Yes, it is that powerful!
3. Administrative tools or organisational techniques to put you more in control of your thoughts.
This article addresses the last of these three. For more about techniques to do 1 and 2, drop me a line.
Learn To Constructively Distract Yourself
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When they occur, recognise negative thoughts as having zero merit and great destructive power and learn how to not entertain those thoughts and instantly you recognise them, refocus and start thinking about something else.
Personally I find starting to think about the actions I need to take on my current main project to be both therapeutic and constructive.
Learn To Be The Best Sales Person To Yourself
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One major difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is their self-talk – that conversation that goes on between your ears.
For instance, fear of failure prevents many people from taking action.
One side or the other is going to win that sales conversation. Either the fear of failure will ‘sell’ you on taking no action or you will sell yourself on taking action despite your fears.
Courage is not the absence of fear but the taking of action despite it.
I read of one very successful marketing master who embraced failure as a vital part of the learning process. He promoted the idea of failing often and failing fast with the objective of trying enough alternatives to find what worked. Really worked.
And here’s a quote from a video I watched on YouTube: “Losing is not the enemy of winning, it is the education for it.”
There are many caveats that apply to this statement but if you
maintain the intention to win,
continue to learn from your failures,
keep improving,
fail often,
fail fast
so you arrive soonest at what works,
that covers a lot of them.
An Analysis Of What It Takes To Get A Product
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Thinking about self-discipline I realised there are times I have looked at something that needs to be done yet not done it, then later, noticed it again, sometimes multiple times.
Analysing the mental process involved in my thinking in these scenarios I observed there are the following distinct actions involved in getting a product.
Each of them are vital to ensuring a task is completed fully to an appropriate standard. The absence of any one of them derails the completion to standard.
Tasks
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For a great many small tasks, this is the sequence:
1. Observing
Observing something that needs doing. This can be as simple as observing the pot plants need watering.
2. Owning
That tasks is mine, I am responsible for doing it.
3. Assessing
What will it take to complete this action?
4. Deciding
I will do it.
5. Planning
Should I do it now or at a better time?
6. Targeting
I will schedule to start it on this date and time and complete it on this date and at this time.
7. Beginning
Beginning the task.
Before beginning a task it is more motivating to focus mostly on the purpose or product.
Once you have started, an effective strategy is to change focus to concentrate on doing the process efficiently and to the best of your ability.
8. Continuing
Keeping at it till it is done.
9. Completing
Doing a final look over to ensure nothing is undone then cleaning up any mess, putting away any tools etc.
10. Verifying
This is purely making sure that the product is complete (all plants watered) and to the standard you consider acceptable.
Larger Jobs
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For larger jobs that might more properly called a program or project, a more complete list would be:
1. Observing
Deciding or concluding something that needs doing. This may result from an analysis rather than direct observation of a physical situation.
2. Owning
That tasks is mine, I am responsible for doing it.
3. Assessing
What resources – personnel, finance, materials – will it take to complete this action? For large projects this step can be huge and can contain many individual targets.
4. Deciding
I will or will not do it based on the assessment.
5. Planning
This is the process of laying out all the steps required to complete the product.
If you would like a template for this action flick me an email and I will send you a link to a free course that teaches it.
6. Targeting
I will schedule to start it on this date and time and complete it on this date and at this time.
7. Beginning
Beginning the task.
When you are backed off from a task because it feels complex or overwhelmingly large, it could be one large, time-consuming task or because it contains many tasks that you have not isolated into individual actions.
The first thing to do is identify into which camp it falls.
If it is one lage task, one effective technique is to just make a start on some portion of the task you can confront. It can be rather surprising how much more confrontable the task can become once begun. When I used to face that scenario I often found that procrastination had made the task seem larger than it turned out to be.
If it breaks down into smaller tasks, pick one, maybe a prerequisite for other tasks, and knock that one off.
8. Continuing
On larger tasks this can involve maintaining disciplined focus, ignoring distractions, overcoming obstacles, staying motivated and continuing it until completed.
9. Completing
Doing a final look over to ensure nothing is undone then cleaning up any mess, putting away any tools etc.
10. Verifying
This is purely making sure that the product is complete and to the standard you consider acceptable. Best done by a person who did not do the job.
11. Certifying
Signing off on the completion as complete and to standard.
For larger or more complex jobs a more expanded process is called for. There is a free on-line course available to give you data on how to plan and organise larger programs. Drop me a line for details.
Handling Falling Off The Wagon
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Sometimes something (or more than one something) happens to derail your best intentions and you do not do what you set yourself up to do.
Many people respond to failure with excuses (denying responsibility) or self-criticism (I am weak, lack discipline, not good at this, poor at routines etc.)
This does not help build a better you, the excuses just make the thing you blame more powerful than you and the self-criticism just makes you smaller. Neither are good options.
I recommend you correctly categorise excuses as Friction and self-invalidation as Resistance (to recognising your true self-worth).
I read once that humility was an important quality in a reviewer. Hubris and pride are destructive as they prevent correct observation and evaluation.
Personal integrity includes accurate observation and full and complete communication of that correct observation.
A more constructive approach is to acknowledge the failure, look at the circumstances to see if you can learn something from it then never think of it again. Once you have learned what you can, thereafter ignoring losses is a great practice.
If the failure does come to mind again, instantly practice Constructive Distraction and think of something else on which to focus.
Dwelling on failures serve no constructive purpose.
Toughness
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Finally, a word on the single quality that most reliably translates to increased success- toughness. What is toughness?
Resiliance in the presence of pressure
Preparedness to forgo short-term gratification for long-term gain
Showing up despite adversity
Not giving in to the urge to quit
Being prepared to work harder, to put in more
Being confident
Accepting challenges
Being prepared to commit
Being in control
Inertia and Momentum
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Inertia is resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change.
Momentum is the force or energy exhibited by a moving body, the natural inclination to continue in motion.
If you feel backed off from starting something, recognise it as inertia. The hard part is starting, you have to overcome inertia.
Once you have started something, momentum is on your side. As you build momentum it becomes easier to continue than to stop. And interestingly enough, the start does not have to be big. It can be quite a small one to overcome the mental inertia.
In Closing
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In this article I have covered a lot of ground and I predict for some readers it may seem daunting to contemplate the difference between where you perceive you are now and where you would like to see yourself.
I would like to remind you that my most important word on the subject of exercise – gradient – applies equally to mental development. You don’t win by trying to do the impossible instantly.
Start by picking one thing from the above and decide to implement that tomorrow.
Each time you incorporate one aspect of the above into your life, give yourself a pat on the back and choose another.
Make a note to come back and read this in a month and keep picking something to work on.
If you improve by one percent a week that’s 100% in two years.
Not many investments give you that sort of return!
“Discipline isn’t punishment — it’s self-respect. It’s choosing your future over your feelings, over and over again.” – Elena Cardone
To your success.
Tom Grimshaw
tom@tomgrimshaw.com
